Matthew 6:7-8

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

To me, this scripture is another way of saying you get what you want. And wanting is an action. I always used to think it meant that what I ask for in my prayers will be given to me. That hasn't really been the case, unless those things are also what I strive for day by day. Praying for these things, it seems, has been more of a reflection on what I'm already seeking, rather than being the key to obtaining what I desire.

Gospel Perceptions

Henry Eyring speaking of science: "There is, of course, no conflict in the gospel since it embraces all truth. Undoubtedly, however, science is continually challenging us to think through again our conceptions of the gospel." I really like this quote.

An issue that I've been questioning lately is how people at church actually know what they say they know. To be honest, unless you're a prophet or extremely spiritually blessed we don't really know all the things we say we know. We believe in them. We use our faith. For example, I do not know that I existed before I was born. That doesn't mean I don't believe it. I do believe it. I just don't know it. Of course the Holy Spirit can confirm truth and strengthen our conviction, but that still leaves us short of actual knowledge. We must live by faith.

How does this tie into Henry Eyring's quote? I feel that just as people had gospel perceptions of the earth's creation or evolution or similar subjects that have been essentially disproven by science, so we still do have gospel perceptions that are likely far from the truth. These conceptions are based on truth, just as the old conception of the creation, but have been molded significantly by cultural and social pressures, even into something that is untrue. Science didn't change the gospel; it only changed our perception of the gospel. Truth is still truth. I believe as we grow in experience our own conceptions of the gospel will change and we will be able to reflect on which "truths" are a product of our environment and which truths are precisely that: true.

My thoughts on this subject are incomplete. I would love to hear your opinion. If you read this, please tell me, what do you think?

I'm an Explorer

As I've followed the running schedule I've set up for myself, I find myself not knowing exactly where to go. This past week I started running towards the mountains, Maple Mountain to be precise, and found a little trail leading into the "foothills". I ran up and down and all around a system of paved trails. At times I was forced to slow to a walk to carefully navigate a steep descent. My trips into unknown trails, I realized, made the running a whole lot more fun.

This isn't the first time I've wandered as I jog. One time I started jogging up rock canyon, and I didn't stop until I got to the top of the trail, discovered the rock canyon campground, and followed a dirt road for at least a mile until it went no further. When I started running that day I had no intention of ending up in the woods. But as I started going up rock canyon, I pushed myself to keep going further, and a little further, and a little further. Each minute there was another sight to see, another "novidade." Like that Pocahontas song, "Just around the river bend." I just had to keep going.

After thinking about this the other day, it came to me: I'm an explorer! When I run, I like to do more than run. I like to explore my neighborhood and all the other ones too. I rarely run the same route. Hiking is one of my favorite activities, and it's not because I want to conquer another mountain. It's because I want to see another sight and enjoy another view. I explore nature. Rarely do I repeat a hike I've done before. Traveling is an activity I wish I could do more often. And while I enjoy the major landmarks and tourist attractions, what I really enjoy about traveling is exploring the city and discovering its residents in their daily activities, such as riding a city bus in San Francisco or hanging out in a city square in Rio de Janeiro. I explore their culture. There is so much to be seen and experimented in this world. Discovering more of the vast unknown is what intrigues me. I'm an Explorer.

Summer Chill

Summer term is coming to an end. I'll be done this week, finally. This weekend has been fun and relaxing. Not much of note in my life to relate, so I've dedicated this post to an ancient film. I'm writing on my new Windows 7 system, much improved from Vista. But that's for another post.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang may be one of the coolest lazy Sunday afternoon videos ever made. From Truly Scrumptious' lovely hat collection to Dick Van Dyke's uber-sweet inventions, the show is just full of treats. Truly Scrumptious was even made into a celebrity barbie. I really wish I had one of those egg and sausage makers in the mornings. The characters are classic. The little girl is Jemima, reminds me of syrup, and grandpa is hilariously eccentric.


Watching this movie is really a walk down memory lane. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was one of the staples of my childhood. I watched it frequently along with such movies as All Dogs go to Heaven, Swiss Family Robinson, and Robin Hood. I will never forget the songs from the movie. Roses of Success was my favorite. I think it still is.

I'm sitting next to my friends Michele and Nero (aka Ron John) in Jose's apartment. Ron John is from Nepal and seems to really be enjoying it. Michele the hispanic brazilian wannabe keeps making faces. There's also Cassie who sings to every song, and Rachel and her friend who just giggle at everything on the show. And Korance can quote the movie extensively. A classic - All in all a good Sunday evening party.

Monster Nebo

About a month ago Blake, Stephen, and I took on the monstrous Nebo. It was a beautiful summer Saturday morning following a light rainstorm the night before.


The drive brought us almost to the top it seemed, so we had our doubts about how difficult the hike was actually going to be. The tall peak on the left was our destination.


I kept myself busy with a new found hobby of mine on the way up: picking wildflowers. I loved the red clay.







After an hour or so we made it to the ridge. The hike to this point wasn't too challenging. The ridge offered some fantastic views. That's Mt. Timpanogas in the distance. Yes, Mt. Nebo is taller than Timpanogas.






It was a pleasant stroll on the top of the world, until we got to this:



I was sucking wind within 2 minutes, dripping like a wet towel.


We made it to one peak, but had one more to go after that. The last quarter mile was climbing over loose rock along the ridge to the very top. By that time I had to stop every 15 steps for a few seconds to rest my exhausted quads.




At last we made it!


Jumping over 11928 ft (3635.7 m).


Someone had a little too much fun in the glorious sunshine!


Some friendly local folks from Utah county showed up as we were eating lunch at the peak. I kept overhearing them talk about "Spanish." Saying Spanish is this, and Spanish is that. That confused me because they didn't seem to be the type to know a foreign language. But then Blake explained to me that they mean Spanish Fork! That's local talk, that is!

On a scale of 1 to 10 for amateur hikes, I would rate this hike as a 9.5. It stretched me that much! The incredibly steep climb at the high elevation just about did me in. The wildlife and the extensive stretch along the ridge though make this hike far worth the effort. It was definitely a highlight of my summer.

Thought: Starving Student Lifestyle

Does anyone else find themselves wondering how people afford what they do? It seems that almost anyone I talk to has either recently bought themselves a new toy or gone on an extravagant vacation. Where does all that money come from? I'm sure some people really do have killer summer jobs, but not everyone, right? I can't complain, of course. I myself took a 2 month "study abroad" in Brazil. That wasn't exactly inexpensive. But that has been my one splurge. I use a car that I got for a great deal (thanks Julie!) and is practically worth about two iPods now. I have no cool phone, a practical laptop which probably isn't even worth as much as my car, and a few board games that cost me about $100 total. Those are my most valuable possessions. Granted, I could and probably should spend a little bit more once in a while, such as for my clothes that I frequently wear holes into, but I simply don't understand how other "poor starving students" have iPods, smart phones, macs or other expensive laptops, new cars, amazing cameras, attractive bikes and at least one gaming console. Are their parents paying for this all? If not, where does all the money come from? And I'm pretty sure lots of them are not on scholarship, so add in tuition to all of those expenses. Sometimes I just can't help but wonder.

Fun in the sun

Stadium of Fire

Last night I worked as security at the Stadium of Fire. I was on the job at 5 PM and started with a nice pork BBQ sandwich courtesy of the police department. From 6 until 8:20 or so I peeked in an innumerable number of purses. All of the ladies had to throw their candy away and dump their water out. Most people accepted it without complaining, but a few people weren't very happy, and I even got sworn at once.

I got to go in to watch the show soon after.



About 600 scouts, 500 dancers, Jenny Oaks Baker, the Five Browns, and some others took the stage. When they finished Carrie Underwood was on. I think she put on a great show. I'm just not a big fan.



Once Carrie was done, the real show began. The fireworks were some of the best I've seen. I tried to get a couple photos, although the pictures do not represent how great the show was. In addition to the big fireworks, they shot some straight into the middle of the stadium! That always got a gasp from the crowd.



There was a big USA chalked onto the field. The scouts lined it with glowsticks at the end and the dancers filled the map with sparkling lights.

Earlier in the day I wasn't looking forward to giving my whole evening to the event, but now I'm glad I did. The work was really sort of fun, and it was pretty much a free show. I would recommend it.

Lagoon

Tuesday I met up with my family and cousins at Lagoon. I invited a few friends to go along too. I didn't get any very exciting pictures, but at least you can see what my mom and dad do when they're at an amusement park! Wicked is their best coaster. You are shot straight up, crest a peak, then go straight down. It's a pretty nice ride. I also really like the Samurai. You get thrown around in every conceivable way. My favorite part of the park though is Lagoon a Beach. I really enjoyed cooling off for one, but the environment is just really relaxed and fun.

Moving On

Team USA was a big disappointment yesterday. The World Cup ride has been a fun one, but it ended on a low after they failed to show up against Ghana. And this one they can't blame on the refs. I'll still following the matchups, but I'm learning the frustration involved in being a fan of USA Futbol. Rumo a hexa-campeao Brasil!

I can't think of anything of note that happened in this past week that is worth sharing. There was a bit of irony in my Advanced Writing class on Friday. My teacher, who is really just a primary teacher teaching grownups, was talking about the importance of using the active voice and not the passive. She had us do some practice exercises where we eliminated "to be" and replaced it with an action verb. The first sentence was "A good author is aware of his verbs." She asked us how we would change it and my classmates responded with the verbs, "uses, knows, understands" and so on. I decided to share my opinion and said, "I wouldn't change it unless there was a good reason to use a different verb, because each way has it's own particular meaning that differs from "is aware of"." She immediately rebuffed me and responded that we had a good reason to change it. Anyhow, she continued her teaching but not 30 seconds later I caught her saying "are aware." I glanced at my friend and we smiled knowingly. And she was only getting started. At least 5 times in the next 15 minutes she used the phrase "are/is aware." So much for using those verbs.

I've learned a few things about myself in the past week. It is really HARD for me to work full-time. It is really hard for me to work just part-time in my current employment. I had cut my hours to about 10 per week over spring and the end of winter. After all I had the MCAT and shadowing I had to do. Well I've been wanting for money recently and decided to pick up my hours to at least full part-time, 20 hours per week. That means 4 hours per day, but I can hardly last an hour straight without needing some kind of break. I know a lot of it has to do with my job, but I also know that part of it is just who I am. I love to have variety to my day. I handle the variety of school pretty well, with work and research time mixed in, even if the days are long. But tell me to work 8 hours straight at one thing and I'll languish and lose my focus quickly. I hope medicine will give me that daily diversity that keeps me engaged.

World Cup Fever and Such

The games are on! The World Cup has definitely taken me by storm over the past week and a half. I'm particularly emotionally invested in Team USA, although I've really enjoyed watching the powerful European teams lose and tie to all of the underdogs. I love the World Cup! The last USA match left me feeling robbed, but relieved at the same time. And though I hated the goals we allowed, I couldn't help but laugh at the way the Slovenians celebrated their goals. Take a look at the highlights if you don't know what I'm talking about. Hilarious!! A win this week is what we need. Go USA! I've got a fever and the only prescription is more World Cup. USA, unfortunately, does not have a realistic chance of winning the whole thing, but luckily I can cheer for Brasil in that regard. I watched their opening game with the BYU Brazilian Association. It just made me laugh. Brazilian spontaneity is priceless.

The mundial did not effect my grades thankfully. I pulled A's in both classes this spring and enjoyed a brief 3-day respite. Tomorrow I'll be back in the trenches with an advanced writing course (dreadful) and a statistics class. My goal is to start strong and never let off. It's a definite plus that after this term I'll have finished all of the classes I don't want to take but have to anyway. Graduation se aproxima.

I took a fun little hike yesterday with Jose Carlos, my El Salvadorian friend. Jose e gente fina. We went to the top of Y mountain. Jose really knows how to enjoy the moment. We got to the top and we stayed there not for 20 or 30 minutes, but for an entire hour. I owe the little bit of sunburn above my knees to him. Hablamos bastante. Unfortunately my memory card was not in my camera and Jose left his phone in my car, so we had zero pictures. Well we actually had one that we asked a stranger at the top of the Y to take with his camera and send to us later. The hike was beautiful and hot. I made a collection of wildflowers as I went along, and now they're sitting in my kitchen in a tupperware.

The flowers adorned the table today while we ate dinner. I made a deal with Dallan, my roommate, a few weeks back: we eat well every Sunday, and we take turns on cooking duty. It was my turn today, so last night I decided to make Orange Chicken. I found this really simple recipe online that only asks for chicken, salt and pepper, onion soup, and a can of OJ concentrate. I put the meal together this afternoon, with rice and a pan of stir fry thrown in as well. The food turned out rather delicious. It's likely to be a sort of last supper with John. He's leaving this week. I enjoyed the meal, but at the same time I couldn't help but think, "Man, they're eating a ton!" I myself didn't hold back either. I guess that's a compliment when they eat my food, but I can't help but be jealous of what I make sometimes. Thankfully I've got two lunches worth of leftovers for this week.

The EMT class ends this week. It will be ending without me. I've attended pretty much every night I have been supposed to be there, but I have not made hardly any effort on assessments (100 required, I've done 30) or the readings and quizzes. I just did not want to do it I found out. I did have some time and I likely could have pulled it off, but I really lost my respect for the class about a week into it. I made myself continue attending for the learning experience, but honestly I would hardly feel qualified with the training I received to be an actual EMT. For example, the day they taught CPR they showed us how to do it, had us practice with a partner, take a quiz as a group, and put us in line so they could hand us our certificates. It was bogus. No one at any time actually observed me to see if I was performing CPR correctly. Not that I think I learned it incorrectly, but when the training is done that way over and over again it does not build any confidence in me. So the 700+ dollars I've put into the class will be mostly for naught. I have learned some significant things, such as taking vitals and the essentials in an emergency situation, so it wasn't a complete waste. I finally gave up on any idea of finishing the course some time last week, and the truth set me free. I'm glad I can move on.

Dumb Ideas

Have you ever heard about something and thought "That is just about the dumbest idea I have ever heard!"? I have a couple of those I just can't keep to myself any longer. If these things didn't keep coming up I could ignore them and move on, but since they do...

My roommate just got off the phone with his brother. He picked up this idea from him of running barefoot. So about every time he goes for a jog he leaves the shoes behind. The other day we went to play some soccer with friends. As we were wrapping up he asked me to take his stuff home for him, including his shoes. Unsurprisingly everyone asked me, "He's doing what?" I could only shrug my shoulders and say that I think he's crazy too. He says he does it because it lessens the impact on his knees and because its fun. I think he does it because it makes him feel like a man. So today I come home to find him limping around the house. He had just got back from a run and, surprise surprise, he had some painful blisters on his feet. I've already told him my mind. I'll just try to close my ears when I hear him talking about it in the future.

As for the other dumb idea, in the school newspaper I am continually albeit unwillingly updated on the progress of a family on a pioneer trek across the United States. This family decided they would go back in time, but not really. The last update had a picture of their 3 or 4-year old son sitting exhausted in a lawn chair. Poor kid! Apparently they are walking across the Great Plains pulling a handcart, but they still get to stop at the local gas stations for a shower and a bite to eat. At times I like to reminisce on and smile about the family road trips I went on as a kid; this family can do the same with their pioneer trek. What were Mom and Dad thinking! I suppose I shouldn't judge. After all, it could be that this is a family-saving outing. I can't help but think though of any number of alternatives that could be just as beneficial to a family without making your kids march for an entire summer. So when I see these updates I'll just shake my head and try not to let it get to me.

I don't know why these ideas bother me so much. It's not me that's risking my bare feet or suffering from the crazy idea of my parents. So why does it get under my skin? What do you think?

Lord of Catan

We had a nice round of Settlers of Catan tonight. My roommate John and my neighbor Seth came over. The first round was one of those bummer games. Nothing really rolled my way, but thankfully John only took about 30 minutes to finish us off. He was Lord of Catan. Second time through was a different story. The game was competitive from the beginning. It looked for a second like I was going to get stuck again, but then I had some fortuitous trading that helped me block John. I raced ahead for a little while. Meanwhile, John and Seth were competing for the same location on the board and they had roads that ended there but no settlement. Both of them were stuck with about 10 cards and no wheat. I was raking in the resources at the same time. It was a location that I did not intend to go after, but suddenly I had what it took, and I was like, "I'm only doing this because I can." I built two roads and a settlement on their coveted location. John became vindictive, but not very. I couldn't stop laughing!

Despite my progress, Seth gained the upper hand in the game. He was on the verge of winning. John and I used all our 7's and soldiers to delay him, but it wasn't going to be enough. I had one last chance. I was sitting with 8 points, built a city, and then knew I had one shot to get the win - a victory point. I bought the card but didn't want to look at it... Okay, so I waited half a second and turned it over and WON! Woo-hoo! Seth was frustrated. He'd just been cheated out of his victory. I was lucky. And my luck made me the new Lord of Catan.

It's amazing how this game can get my adrenaline going. It really is meaningless, but that doesn't stop me from being ultra excited when I get 4 wheat when my 11 is rolled. I was rolling in that wheat! On my way to becoming Lord of Catan.

Personal Statement

This is my medical school statement. Give me your comments for editing.

My desire to attend medical school has grown from several of my life experiences. I have not always known I wanted to be a physician, but as I have been afforded exposure to the medical field and time to think over the value of a career as a physician, my aspirations to attend medical school have become strong and concrete.

There is nothing that gives more purpose and meaning to my life than the joy and satisfaction I feel when I am able to serve another person. I want to go to medical school so I can help others. I feel that my personal worth increases as I am able to fulfill a need for someone else. Medical school will permit me to have a specific set of skills which will provide me with many opportunities to assist those in need. I have found my activities to be empty and unfulfilling when I fail to focus on reaching out to others. My most significant volunteer experience has been a two year religious mission in Brazil. These two years were dedicated to helping others improve their lives through religion. My service played a vital role for many Brazilians who were looking for religious truth and standards of moral strength to anchor them throughout life. My years of service continue to be rewarding as I maintain friendships with those I taught and as I continue to volunteer my time within the local Latino community.

I believe that practicing medicine will be rewarding in a similar manner. During my mission I became acutely aware of the extensive economic disadvantages that a large portion of the population suffers. I have since had the opportunity to participate in a volunteer care clinic that serves individuals that cannot afford healthcare. Some of these individuals would tolerate a serious medical condition for a significant period of time so that they could dedicate their monetary resources to their family before taking care of their own physical well-being. Through volunteer work health care professionals can eliminate a lot of this suffering. It is an aspiration of mine to consistently volunteer my time as a physician in addition to my regular employment. I wish to assist those who are most in need.

My undergraduate education at Brigham Young University has been challenging. With the challenge, however, comes a feeling of satisfaction. Due to the difficulty of my courses at BYU, I feel that they are that much more valuable. I have learned that the more effort I put into an objective, the stronger my feelings of elation are when I achieve that objective. A career as a physician will be quite challenging. I feel, however, that the challenge validates the worth of being a physician. I am not yet certain of which field of medicine I will pursue, although I will likely work in primary care. I understand, though, that each specialty is faced with its own set of challenging conditions and delicate situations. I believe that accepting these challenges and overcoming them will bring great satisfaction.

Until recently I had not planned on a career in healthcare. Even though I have always been interested in the medical field, it had never seriously occurred to me as a possible career path for myself until approximately one year ago. My father is an electrical engineer and no one in my family has pursued a profession in the medical field. I had originally intended to be a biomedical engineer. While this field of study still interests me academically, I realized that I would not have the same ability to interact with patients as in a healthcare profession. For this motive I decided to change career paths, apply to medical school and pursue a medical degree.

My decision has been confirmed as I have spent the previous year completing pre-medical course work and increasing my knowledge of the medical field. I particularly enjoyed my anatomy course and the subsequent course in physiology. The human body is a facsinating organism. I continue to be amazed as I learn more about how it functions. Academically there is no other subject that I enjoy more.

I have also increased my exposure to the medical field through hospital volunteering and physician shadowing. I frequently find myself wanting to understand the exact nature of the illness or injury of the patients and the possible treatment solutions. As a volunteer I am not privy to this information. This serves to increase my anticipation for the education I will obtain in medical school. I am excited for the opportunity to learn.

Shadowing physicians has opened my eyes to the reality of working as a doctor. The hours are long and the work is challenging. There are many unappealing parts to medicine that cannot be neglected, such as keeping accurate and detailed records. Doctors make mistakes, but even when they do their best they still get sued. I understand that I will not always feel appreciated when I am a practicing physician. Despite these drawbacks, the happiness I felt as I watched a physician treat patients in need, or the compassion I felt as the same physician diagnosed a woman with breast cancer, were strong confirmations to me that I have made the right choice to pursue a medical degree. I believe a medical degree will be of great worth both to me personally as well as to the many individuals I will see throughout my career.

June

Monday was Memorial Day, the one holiday of spring term. I went hiking with Laura and Korance. I read up on a trail in Springville Canyon. It wasn't much of a canyon, but it was fun to see a new trail and climb a new mountain. I pushed them until we got to the top of this peak. We had a great view from up there and even saw this hawk or eagle diving and cruising along about 50 meters ahead of us. It was a good event.






I scored a 95 on biochem. One more test to go and no final for me.

It's hard for me to remember what I did during the week. I conquered Zelda, the old NES version. It's great fun. I downloaded this emulator so now I can download all the old games I want and have at it. I played it so much on Friday that it got me thinking about how I need to govern my life again. Some things never seem to change! I did take a break to watch Everything is Illuminated, directed by Liev Schreiber. It was very artistic and a good film. Frodo was in it (Elijah Wood).

Saturday morning I played some killer sand volleyball. The weather has turned pretty warm all of a sudden, so it was perfect to be outside and in the sand. The only thing missing was some water. We also had an In-An-Out Burger escapade yesterday for dinner. Michaela, Andy and I had this long conversation on Catie's facebook page, and we concluded we would go a few hours later. Lo and behold when the time came to go eat there were about 15 others who came as well.

Something similar happened today. I thought it would be fun to have a little break the fast with people in the ward. I started off with those I home teach. Laura already had planned with some other girls, so we decided to do it at the Campbell House. I invited a few other people, and an extra 15 or so showed up once again. The ward is just so social in the Spring! A week ago Sunday I had this excellent Brazilian grub done by my neighbors across the hall – Bobby and Seth. Bobby cooked. They both served in Manaus. I've had some good time reminiscing with them this week and last. And Andy too. There's just so much good to Brazil that we could probably talk forever.

I've made progress on my application to med school, but at this point I'm not in any hurry to get it done. I'm still waiting for a couple of letters of recommendation. I think I'll give them another week and then start pressing for them. One is done, so I was told, but just needs to be turned in.

Breast Cancer

3 hours of my evening were spent at the volunteer care clinic. I really enjoyed my time there once again, but it helped me see the sometimes painful nature of working in the field of healthcare. This Hispanic lady came in with a complaint of pain in her right breast. The doctor had her lift up her shirt and I saw my first breast (not counting nursing women). The novelty faded quickly though as the doctor told her it was probably cancer. Cancer! The woman is only 41, and what makes matters worse is that she had first noticed the pain about a year ago. I haven't yet received any medical training on the matter, but no doubt her waiting a year has made her situation far more serious than it could have been. I sensed her embarrassment when she came in, but then I realized that what was driving her was fear. I felt like it was fear that made her wait a year to get it checked, and it is fear that finally brought her to the clinic today. She has three children and none of them is older than 14. Breast cancer is her stark reality.

Green Spring Warming

Last night my roommate John and I spontaneously decided to go for a hike. We invited some friends in the ward and took off. We went to Stewart Falls. The hike is about 2 miles and you start from the parking lot at the trailhead for Mt. Timpanogas just above Sundance. It was nice to get back to nature. Spring is just barely arriving in the mountains. I plan to go on a more extensive hike tomorrow for Memorial Day. It's sort of become a Memorial Day tradition.

I had a pleasant surprise on Tuesday. That was the day I finally got my MCAT scores back. I had been anxiously waiting for them to be released for a month and I really did not know what to expect. The last hour of my cell biology class was really just wasted time. I could hardly pay attention to a thing my professor was saying. When I finally got home and saw the score - 37P - I was startled but very pleased. In all of my practice tests I had never scored higher than 32-33. No more studying for the MCAT. I honestly didn't study as well as I should have, so maybe I got a little bit lucky. I'm grateful for my luck and that I can move on with my medical school application. Acceptance rates for my score and GPA are around 30%, so by no means is getting into medical school a done deal.

Speaking of which, I really have no clue where I want to go. While talking with my doctor this week, he said with my MCAT I should apply to a few of my dream schools, other good schools, and then to a few backups. I was thinking, "And what are my dream schools?" The only factors that I currently use to differentiate between schools is location, tuition, and rankings. I know rankings often misrepresent or fail to represent things that matter most to me however.

Friday evening was the night for night games. The ward played capture the flag. I enjoyed it until no one could find the flags. Then we tried some other games and they were a bust. I met up with Jimmy and Nicole's posse later to play Commando. It was all right. I don't think I liked it too much because it's a game that makes you run like a maniac and hide like a frightened animal. It was a little too frantic for me. Plus I injured myself earlier in the night and I kept on making it worse through the evening. At one point I fell to my face on the ground, but my fist was under my chest. It sent pain up and down my trachea and made my breathing sensitive for a few minutes.

My Lost Friend

My relationship over the past few months has come to an end. I've been a devoted, sometimes obsessed fan of Lost. I had never watched an episode until about 4 months ago. I've now watched all of the episodes. I couldn't help myself. I just got sucked in. The productions were masterful and even poetic at times. I watched the final episode tonight and I've been feeling too antsy, too preoccupied to move on. I loved the absolute drama, the shocking twists, the killer cliffhangers. What really made the show what it is, though, is the constant focus on character development. The finale put the finishing touch on each and every one of their stories.
For sure there are a lot of unanswered questions, but I feel like those mysteries served their purpose just fine by setting up high drama. It's not really necessary to answer all those questions, especially if it doesn't contribute to the quality of the show. This last episode was another wonderful production, and I appreciate the sentimental side of the ending for the closure it brought me. I will go through Lost withdrawals in the near future, but my suffering would be a lot worse if the finale had been any different.

The beginning

I figure this could be a good way of sharing my life with family and friends. A quick note about the title - I frequently feel that I'm wandering, in the sense that I don't really know where I'm supposed to end up or how I'm going to get there. It's almost like I'm blind and I have to feel my way through things. I believe my ramblings will show that.

I was born to be a professional student. I proved that once again this week after I scored well on my first two tests of spring term. I'm enrolled in biochemistry and cell biology. I wonder what talents or character traits I have that make me so successful in the classroom. Outside of school I think I'm rather mediocre.

During the past few weeks I've been getting the most satisfaction out of this computer course for Spanish speakers. It's helping me do something I love - learn Spanish - while being able to share some of my abilities with those who really do need help. As of yet I haven't risked talking much with the students, but occasionally I will end up having a real conversation in Spanish. My ability to speak is improving, but I feel like I've still got some cotton in my ears when it comes to understanding. It depends a lot on the person I'm talking with too, but I've still got a lot of work to do there.

I've been enrolled in an EMT class for about a month now. While I do not have any ambitions to become an EMT or paramedic I have enjoyed learning everything I have. Plus I've taken my first vitals as a result of the class. Little things like that boost my confidence little be little. I'm not looking forward to finishing the approximately 70 patient assessments I need to do in the next month. If you have any children you would like me to assess please let me know!

During spring term I have been shadowing a doctor from the Department of Health. It was not exactly the kind of doctor I expected to shadow for the "internship" I signed up for. He doesn't really practice medicine for his day job, although he does do some on the side. His main position is squarely in the field of public health. I know there's a relation there, but I'd like to be involved in medicine on a personal basis. I have been a little frustrated and bored with some of the things we've done, such as sit in on county commissioner meetings, go through his mail, and see the art gallery at the health department. I did enjoy the evening he volunteered at a clinic. I got to work on my Spanish there a bit too. But besides that we connected personally with people who needed help. That brought satisfaction.

My frustrations grew this past week after I went to class and listened to the cool things others were doing for their internships, like observing surgeries. Oh well. I do get a lot of opportunities to talk with my doctor, and he is supportive and interested in my career, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Last night a lot of people in the ward got together to play wallyball, missionary tag, cops and robbers, and then watch a movie. I ditched before the movie so I could learn about ATP synthesis and the electron transport chain. (At 10 PM, and yes my studying was actually surprisingly productive.) After I escaped the cops and we were waiting for the last stragglers, I thought, "This is just the kind of thing we're told not to do by general authorities - hanging out." For better or worse though we had a good time hanging out last night. When the honest alternative would be nothing at all social, I don't really think hanging out is so bad.

I'm listening to grooveshark. It's my new imeem, only better. I used to have this massive playlist on imeem of about 400 songs. Well that's massive for me anyways. When imeem got taken over by myspace it really ticked me off. There went my playlist! With grooveshark I've started making that list again. It has the convenience of making playlists like imeem, but with a much smoother setup. It's been a daily diversion for the last couple weeks. I love free music!